Upstairs

The most acclaimed teaching of Daniel J. Siegel is about mindfulness. I bought his book The Whole-Brain Child in Melbourne nearly half year ago, and read about children's ability to stop and think instead of hurting someone with their words.

In more straightforward lingo: our primitive downstairs brain is less sophisticated than the upstairs brain, but there is nothing wrong with using the downstairs brain and feeling upset. At times, of course, we need the upstairs brain to tame the downstairs tantrum. Upstairs brain is the yang to the downstairs brain's yin. According to Siegel, a well-integrated brain circuit means a timely flipping the lid from downstairs to upstairs brain, even in small children. Tonight, I noticed something magical happening to this flip in my six-year-old child.

Jasmine needed a haircut. The trouble, for novice like my wife, is that what is meant to be a trim can turn into a scream (in front of the mirror). My daughter's new hairstyle didn't quite turn out as she was expecting. Yup, it has a Japanese name “age-otori” - the feeling of looking worse after a haircut. We could see her downstairs brain running amok. "Ah, I'm afraid my classmates won't recognize me when the new school term starts tomorrow."

"Huh?"

"Seriously, mum, I don't want to go to school like this."

Long silence.

I thought my wife couldn't have been more upset. I felt the need to give my daughter's new haircut a compliment, the voice inside telling me to do something - and quick. I took a good look at my daughter's hair. Her face turned white, and through tears of frustration, she said, "I'm so sorry, mum, and I shouldn't be that rude. I'm as much as I hate myself, making you feel bad. Sorry, mum."

All this happened before I could step in. I realized that my daughter had already switched to her upstairs brain. Her reaction is, to my eye, an incredible leap forward, and upstairs.