Ruby

Ideas for writing won't pop into our mind by itself.

We need fuel or a matchbox to kick off the writing. The fuel needs not be as big as a nuclear plant - in some cases, it may simply be four hours of train delay (if you were JK Rowling). That's what I shared with my daughter when we read the picture book Ralph Tells a Story during breakfast today. We learned that a great story can be about something very small ... as small as an inchworm for Ralph, a kid stuck with writer's block. A funny boy who ended up with nothing on his paper after staring at the ceiling, going to the water fountain, roaming the school hallways, and then bathroom. Nada. Nothing. Zilch. Not until he saw a wiggly inchworm.

My daughter's writing class at school is an excellent example of looking for that inchworm. Her teacher starts the spark in many creative ways, such as asking students to bring home the class dragon Ruby. My daughter showed me yesterday a bag with a green dragon puppet, a blanket (to keep Ruby the dragon warm and safe), a toothbrush (for sleepover, of course), a pencil and eraser, and Ruby's diary.

Without us noticing, the kids are learning to write diary for Ruby.

Gap

Ask anyone (yourself, quite possibly) who has to bring up a child and mentor a young doctor, and he'll tell you that they're somewhat similar. Oh, I was just reminded not to mix up the roles being a parent and a mentor yesterday during a sharing session on intern mentorship.

Still, I have to admit the same generation gap that exists between us - be they our children or younger interns. That means we have to rely on them to tell us how they feel, instead of equating their reaction with ours.

The Rules of Parenting teaches me that it's completely irrelevant how we feel when we're dealing with our children's emotions; their feelings are the only things that matter. When Riley (remember the movie Inside Out) has to move to a new state and a new school, she's genuinely devastated. Every inch of adults wants to tell Riley to tough up, or that she'll make new friends, or that there's always email, msn and texting ("and we didn't have that in my day").

Don't do it.

All these "good old day" advice and bygone standard simply backfire. Put simply, focus on our child and forget about ourselves (I mean, that old self decades older). Take their feelings and coping mechanisms as seriously as we do our own. The same applies to feeling how our newer generation interns feel. And indeed, what's the point of lecturing a doctor-in-training how we dug references out of the hardcopy Index Medicus in library when he gripes about difficult access to electronic journal at the office?

So, yes, we're to help the new generation react to the challenges that befall them, and not how we react to them. This rule seems pretty obvious, but chances are I'll forget. That's why I arranged the sharing session to remind ourselves. A lesson I should keep in mind forever.

Feedback

I was having a good vacation, a great one, in fact. In case you thought I'll be on a hedonic treadmill where happiness boost doesn't last long, let me tell you my way of overcoming that "happiness set point."

I returned to work and came upon a gift right next to my workplace. That is a new public library where I can continue diving into the everlasting pleasure of bookshelves. One of my recent discoveries is the book Thanks for the Feedback.

Let's define feedback first, shall we? To quote the authors: It's what your spouse has been complaining about your same character flaws for years (although I might think of that less as my wife "giving me feedback," to be honest). It's what your bum knee is trying to tell you about your diminishing spryness. (A confession: I've just sprained my right knee during my holiday).

And history is replete with googolplex of feedback not that well received. Something is wrong, we might think. The enlightenment came after I read about the aureate insights of push and pull. As the two authors Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen rightly points out at the beginning chapter, pushing harder rarely opens the door to genuine learning. Their focus is not to teach managers (or your spouse, for that matter) how to give feedback. The focus - and my learning objective - is on feedback receiver. The real leverage is creating pull. It's about how I can learn to recognize my resistance to feedback. It's about how to seek out negative feedback, which can feel less like a "gift of learning" and more like a colonoscopy. Uneasy but worthwhile, I believe.

New

I'll admit it: changes often make us uncomfortable.

And that's one reason colleagues of mine don't like our recent switch from hospital pagers to mobile phones that much. We tend toward inertia; we need probing. But change we must. Always resist the status quo, I've been taught, and if pressed by inertia, unlock our habits step by step. This requires quite a bit of force, I know. Pacific Coffee has opened a shop in my hospital two months ago, and that seems to be a change pretty well received. No, I mean very well, and well enough so that people look happier at the new hub.

Yet, I am still sticking to my old habit and continue to buy coffee at a much-less-famous coffee store of social enterprises. What could be more addictive than drinking the same coffee in the morning?

Lest you think I'm as stubborn as Ebenezer Scrooge, let me tell you one new change that I embrace this month. A new public library right next to my hospital! I simply can't resist skipping my lunch to dote on this treasure-trove. Voilà, here are the two best gifts I found yesterday: a 383-page Classic Treasury First Poems (yeah, for my daughter) and Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well (written by the authors of international bestseller Difficult Conversations).

Experiences

Before our Oki Islands adventure, we weren't sure if it's a good idea to bring the whole clan, kids in tow, to an area without tourist spots. How to beat the suck of wall-sized entertainment monitor at big city? How else to compete with the YouTube videos on small electronic gagdets?

How children get going on trips, perhaps, depend on their parents' personality, too. Our love for nature sets a tone and inspires Jasmine to savour the lesson on Oki salamander at the museum. She enjoyed the coastal walk - or run - at the caldera formed by volcanic activity as long as we kept our promise to take a detour to playgrounds once in a while.

Another great choice for our trip is looking for a travel buddy. Cabins with two storeys at a pleasant waterfront location are draws, but the fun more than doubles when my daughter explored the areas with her classmate, sniffing here and there for real sea slugs, starfish, or jellyfish.

Be warned. Kids will entertain themselves, but not forever. The only authentic way to enliven a trip is to seize chance for hands-on activities. And whenever I think how smart (ahem) I've designed our itinerary, I keep mentioning the local artists' class of fabric dyeing, seashell painting, making jewellery out of abalone shells.

Oki

Sometimes when I'm flipping through travel guides, I long for novelty. I want to be offbeat. I prefer exploration to staggering back to common routes. That's how Oki Islands flagged my attention when a South China Morning Post article mentioned this remote area, north of Matsue and in the Sea of Japan. Some months ago - never mind how long precisely - having little or no ideas about Oki, and nothing about Yonago Kitaro Airport, I read about this destination in the newspaper magazine.

A destination unheard of. Not even mentioned in the previous edition of Lonely Planet. Whenever I read those attractions of Oki Islands, I feel I should make a dash for it, following the advice of the novelist David Mitchell, "If you only make one trip while you are in Japan, make sure it's to the Oki Islands."

Rightly so, this place can be a magnet for nature lovers. For one thing, it's isolated: a three-hour ferry ride takes you back to an archipelago separated by changing sea levels and erosion during the glacial age. If it's back-to-nature moments you're after, this UNESCO Global Geopark is the place to spend time with. Don't mistake it with Okinawa (as what the computer search engine did, confusing me of the weather forecast). There is neither aquarium nor pineapple park. What Oki Islands lack in variety, it makes up for in scenery. The rewards of picking this destination - once a place of exile - aren't easy to describe till you've been there. I will never forget it. I've tried - trust me.