Wisdom

One day, parenting expert Dr. James Dobson asked his radio listeners to call and record a message for their dads. He was unsure what would happen. Would they call? What would they say?

Here's what he found. More than six hundred listeners participated, but absolutely nobody - I mean, absolutely no one caller - focused on what their daddies did professionally. None of them said, "Thanks, Dad, for earning a lot of money" or "Thanks for the big house you provided for us." Instead, caller after caller said, "Thanks, Dad, for loving me and for being there for me."

The advice from his book Dads & Daughters is crystal clear to me: reserving time for daughter ranks at the top of every dad's job description.

On and Off

If you ask a lot of people the last thing they want near five o'clock on Friday afternoon, they say, "Oh, a new job on top of unfinished work."

Yes, yes, I understand how it gets our dander up because I had that experience this Friday. I didn't know if I should carry on working late, after a whole week's busy hurly burly. "Wouldn't it be better to finish my presentation slides for the annual conference this Sunday?"

Well, I know you will say yes even if I don't.

This is what I decided: Deal with the urgent and important task. Period. I spent more than an hour drafting a reply to the media enquiry, and then shut down my office computer.

No matter how busy my work is, I have to make time. I'd promised my wife and daughter to have home cinema time that evening. Yep, watching Mr. Bean is not urgent, but more important than my PowerPoint slides.

Connected

Love it or hate it, our child has her own definition of "parent-child connectedness." And if we don't accept that, nothing else would have worked either. Trust me.

When I took my wife and daughter for a boat trip followed by fine dining last Sunday - that's my wife's birthday - I thought it's quality time. To those who arrive at such a conclusion, I sound a cautionary note. My daughter rolled her eyes, "Mum, when can we play together?"

I rolled my eyes then too, with a slack-jawed expression of shock. "Hey, aren't we playing together the whole day?" Don't roll your eyes. Kids have their own way of calling quality time. My girl would have felt much more connected if we had pretend play at home.

Connection means unique activities that effectively form values in a child. As simple as watching YouTube videos (her pick, of course) during Sunday morning breakfast. My favorite part of connection this week is preparing gift for Mother's Day. Jasmine suggested writing cinquain for mum. I had no idea about this five-line poetry style created by Adelaide Crapsey. All Dutch to me.

"Okay then, let me show you how. Close the door please, in case mummy is peeping."

 That means a private poetry lesson given to a daddy who feels really connected.