But

Dale Carnegie once described the effective way to correct others' mistake this way: "call attention to people's mistakes indirectly."

One of the examples Dale Carnegie quoted in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People goes like this, "We're really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term. But if you had worked harder on you algebra, the results would have been better."

Yes, the opening with praise is superb. It's hard to think of a better way to catch Johnnie's attention. But wait: it didn't take long to hear the word "but' and Johnnie might then question the sincerity of the original praise.

What on earth does this mean? Here's a tool of thumb that Dale Carnegie suggests: change the word "but" to "and."

Still don't get it? See what Dale Carnegie suggested: "We're really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term, and by continuing he same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others."

His teaching is worth remembering, but it was not until we'd made the same mistake as Johnnie's parents that I understood what it meant. Two days ago, my wife talked to Jasmine after reading her school newsletter. "Jasmine, you did well in the class and I am impressed that you're paying attention."

Jasmine looked up at us, both eyes wide. "Is there a but, mum?"