Control

I recounted the story of rainbow in my blog two days ago, after attending Louise Porter's conference on children's learning style.

That was the first time I heard about the term internal locus of control. The concept, in some ways, isn't difficult to understand. If we believe that outside forces such as the rainbow (or luck) determine our mood or destiny, we are said to have an external locus of control. Stated otherwise, we can possess an internal locus of control by staying in command of our thinking and emotions.

Almost forgotten in all these concepts of self-efficacy and locus of control, though, is the fact that we should apply the same line of thinking in teaching children. That's what I learned from the child psychologist. Her advice to parents is simple: Forget punishments and rewards systems.

It won't be easy. I don't have to tell you why. From clan to clan, culture to culture, the oft seen practice of punishments and rewards has been so hardwired into all of us that they don't even need advocates. Grandmas simply believe that it's impossible to teach without "teaching children a lesson." Moms and dads - and certainly many teachers - say earnestly that star charts are the ways to go.

Benign as it may look, a reward system can teach children that other people's approval counts more than their own judgment. Having heard my daughter's crying when she first attended the kindergarten on her own, we were also enthusiastic about putting up star charts to praise her if she didn't break into tears. Soon, we found that withholding a star or sticker when she cried at the door of the kindergarten is like punishing her for being a child. Within a very short time, we gave up the star charts. Soon Jasmine learned by herself that she can be in control, and things are much more relaxed now.