Calpurnia

The stories of au pair taking care of kids have formed a genre of their own in Hong Kong.

Too often, the working parents – me included – are hiring domestic maids to look after children at a very young age. As is often the case, the children spend more time with the maid than the parents, whether we admit it or not. While much has been written about the proper way to wean a child from the breast or bottles, neither Dr. Spock nor the parenting guidebook What to Expect the Toddler Years covered what to do when we try to "wean" the children from the maid. Admit it: we don't know, and we don't want to.

Growing up with a maid is simply a new whole way of life, a way of seeing, learning, being. Here's a case in point. My friend's maid is going to leave after living together for six years. Her eight-year-old son wrote a touching piece that leaves everybody in tears. I can see that it's a deep, deep attachment much harder to cut than the umbilical cord.

Lest I be misunderstood: I do not want to suggest we parents are to "outsource" the job of childcare. Nor do I think it always proper to feel guilty about hiring a maid. Remember the father of Jem and Scout in the novel To Kill a Mockingbird? Atticus Finch is doing a good job, and so is the black housekeeper Calpurnia. There's no better lesson for parents to remember.