Don't

In my mentor's blog, he discussed why we should not lay down written rule "Do Not Do Thing X," such as "do not kill your patient," "do not chop off your patient's head," "do not use four-letter words in front of your patient - and being heard!"

And so on. Imagine a manual for doctors or adults with an endless, often ghoulish, list of "don'ts."

With a creature as complex as grown-ups, it's easy to forget that sometimes the most effective rule can be learnt from the kids. I've been reading about applying neuro-linguistic programming in bringing up our children. Among the rules I learn, perhaps the most useful one is never say "Don't" in front of the kids. It seems that it is hardwired in human DNA to shout "don't do so and so." We will scream with outrage at the kids, for instance, when they're fighting, "Don't hit your brother!"

Every second spent shouting "Don't" is, in fact, a second taken off your life. Not that kids don't listen. But they simply pay attention to the phrase followed by the word "don't." That's how our brain works out what words mean. As every parent can attest to, the kid would then follow religiously the hypnotic suggestion "to hit the brother." Our tendency always is to hear the action but not the instruction "Don't," and positive instruction puts a helpful brake on this. In other words, we can rephrase the negative command "Don't hit your brother" by "Help your brother to finish the Lego."

Every second spent being positive is a second added on. Always the truth, from the alpha to the omega.