Compassion

It is one thing to have empathy but another thing entirely to move to compassion.

I learned the difference from my personal encounter in handling complaints in hospital and from the book co-authored by Jenn Granneman and Andre Sólo, Sensitive. The book is by and large written for readers who already know they are sensitive. I know I am.

As the story goes, a sensitive person can often get too much empathy. So much so that there is a risk of so-called giver burnout. On one hand, empathy is a gift of sensitive people who can truly take in what another person is feeling. On the other hand, internalizing too much emotions of others like a sponge is stressful.

Two weeks ago, I made a phone call to a family member of our former patient who had suffered a great deal. It took the patient's daughter almost two hours to narrate the painful journey. When she asked if I can feel her feeling, I took a deep breath and tried my best not to get overwhelmed by negative emotions. I told myself not to have too much empathy which is inward focus; I should have compassion which means outward focus. Instead of mirroring the emotional state of hers, I switched my brain activity to compassion - a response of concern, caring, or warmth. I knew I was there to help, to give care, and not to experience her emotion.

In other words, I learned to make a magic switch from passive (like a sponge soaking up pain) to active role (like a cleaning cloth to remove upholstery stain).