Fear

"Mommy, what if you die?"

That's the opening sentence of the second last chapter of Some Nerve, a book about everyday courage. The subtitle to Patty Chang Anker's book is Lessons Learned While Becoming Brave.

I heard the same question this week, asked by my six-year-old daughter, on the brink of 7.

To Jasmine, who spent the last six months in fear of some large creature eating her mum's leg on the operation table, the surgery meant a lot.

I'm all for telling kids the facts of life, but it isn't a good time to tell my daughter the hard facts during her hard time. I didn't sleep (well) the night before my wife's surgery. Neither did Jasmine. None of us had gotten much sleep.

I believe with all my heart that life is finite, and it can leave you at any time. And who's to say that we can pass our turn? I was scared, but I realised no matter what, I should help my daughter fend off fear. "We got great hands from good surgeons, we prepared, we prayed," I reassured Jasmine.

To defuse the scary surgery, we promised to bring our daughter to visit mum right after surgery. And we did. Every day. For us, one of the lessons we learned is the most powerful painkiller: a kiss from the beloved daughter. And the best birthday gift for Jasmine is her mum's leaving hospital before her birthday.