Parent

Travel with friends and one's kid can be minefields for parents, in case the kid gets whinny or moody.

I call myself lucky during my Okinawa trip, not because my kid didn't act out. She did. On the very best days - though those were very, very rare - my daughter would smile for the whole day. The real luck is that we travelled with the most placid classmate of my daughter. An easygoing boy who is the second happiest kid in the world, next to Mr. Happy in Roger Hargreaves's stories.

Another stroke of luck comes from my pick of book for this trip. I happened to finish the novel Everything I Never Told You before leaving for Okinawa, and it's hard to find a better one. Fortunately I managed to borrow the inspiring book by Robin Berman: Permission to Parent.

"When my kid goes down the rabbit hole, I try so hard not to go down with him. But it's so tough not to go tumbling down after him," says Robin Berman - a quote I keep coming back to. To make myself clear: it's really hard not to get stirred by our child's pain. Picture your child breaking down in tears, telling you her friend doesn't want to play with her anymore. You might not have to imagine too far. Admit it: not so long ago, your kid told you exactly the same piece of news. Of course, I did. Robin Berman told us a similar story that goes like a textbook answer to stay out of the rabbit hole.

The daddy in the story did a great job by giving his tearful daughter a long cuddle. "I bet that does not feel good." Cool as a cucumber, he wiped away her tears. "What are you going to do now?" he asked.

"Well, I guess I can play with a girl I know with brown eyes and brown hair."

"You mean you?" the dad blurted out the obvious answer.

"Yes."

"Great idea," the dad replied, and off his daughter skipped.

How did the daddy feel? He was just as upset as his daughter, but he didn't let his true emotion complicate the rabbit hole issue. A very clever approach.